The ride home had been painfully silent and awkward. Joy could not begin to know how to talk to Daniel now. She sensed an anger in him that could not be assuaged by anything she could do or say.
Finally back at home, Joy headed straight up to their bedroom suite. She stripped, ran the shower as hot as possible, and just stood under the stream. She soaped with her favorite lavender body wash and rinsed, and then did it all over again. She washed her hair with rich lavender shampoo vigorously, and then continued to stand under the water until it ran cold. She turned off the water, got out of the shower and was thankful to see Daniel had removed those awful hospital scrubs. He had left the cream for her abrasions on the sink. That he even knew that she’d be using this and what for embarrassed her deeply. However, she was very sore so she applied the cream liberally. She wrapped her hair in a big fluffy towel and dried her body with another. She slipped on a thick terry robe and then just sat on the toilet. The visions of what happened swirled in her head. Most prominent was the fact that she had had an orgasm during the rape. How in the world did that happen? She hardly climaxed with Daniel, What the hell was wrong with her? These thoughts shamed her beyond all belief.
Not able to stand her own presence anymore, she walked through their bedroom out into what Daniel had label her ‘oasis.’ Double door from their bedroom opened onto a private balcony deck. It had waist high security trellis connected to screening all the way up to the plexi-glass ceiling. It was decorated all around with potted plants and a couple of potted trees scattered tastefully. Her chaise lounge was the centerpiece and very luxuriant with velveteen bedding and plush pillows. Daniel had a man-cave of an office, but this deck was all her.
Before she could sit down, Daniel came in with a prescription bottle and a glass of water.
“Hey, I thought you could use some pain relief so I brought your pills up.” Daniel said as he opened the container and got her out a pill and handed it and the water to her. “You’ll be much more comfortable with that in you.”
“I’d be much more comfortable with a glass of pinot grigio, to tell you the truth.” Joy said quietly as she downed the pill.
“Well, you really shouldn’t mix pain killer with alcohol, but I guess a small glass wouldn’t hurt you. I’ll go get it for you; can I get
you anything else? How about a bite to eat?” He asked earnestly.
“No, than you. I don’t think I can stomach food right now.” She couldn’t make herself meet Daniel’s eyes.
As he went downstairs for the wine, Joy went into her antique cherry dressing table for her comb. She hung up the towel from her hair, sprayed de-tangler liberally on her long blonde hair, and went to work getting the kinks out. She had forgotten to use conditioner in the shower, so the combing was slow-going.
Finally done with that chore, she went in search for a comfortable nightgown. Most of her nightclothes were provocative, but she managed to find a plain white cotton gown in her drawer. She was just pulling it over her head as Daniel re-entered the bedroom. Joy quickly pulled to gown down in place and then busied herself with hanging up her robe to avoid him.
“Joy, you don’t have to feel shy with me. What happened was NOT your fault. Come here and let me give you a hug.” Daniel set her glass of wine on top of the cherry dresser so that he could move to take her into his arms. Joy allowed him to fold her into his embrace. Feeling claustrophobic, Joy stepped away from Daniel, picked up her wind glass and took a hearty sip.
“I’m sorry Daniel. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just so jumpy.” Joy walked around their bedroom, touching trinkets she had placed around the room and sipping her wine.
“It’s okay Joy. I know this is hard. Ben is going to stay at my parents for a couple of day until we get things settled back down.” Daniel sat on the bed and watched her without an inkling of how to reach her.
“What does Ben know about what happened today? Does he know Mommy got hurt?” Joy asked with great trepidation in her voice.
“My parents came to the hospital to pick him up. He knows you got a boo-boo on your neck that needed sutures, but nothing else. He thought Grandma and Poppa picking him up was a special treat and that he was going to have a grand adventure staying with them. I will need to drop off some of his things tomorrow, after we go to the police station.” Daniel said the last quickly, not wanting to upset Joy. “You know Joy, I would be happy to make you an appointment with a psychotherapist so you can have someone to work this through.” Daniel added even more hesitantly.
“That’s thoughtful of you, Daniel. But there’s no way I want to see one of your fellow therapists. Everybody knows everybody on ‘Doctor’s Row,’ and I honestly don’t want one of them knowing the gritty details of all this. This is highly personal and most embarrassing for me. Perhaps that rape counselor will have some names of therapists in the city, where I can feel a lot more anonymous.” Joy drained the last of the wine as she said this.
Daniel looked resigned as he said, “Okay, I can understand that. I can help you with that as well, if that is how you want to do it. But please, Joy, don’t shut me out. I am suffering too, believe it or not. Something horrible happened to the woman I love with all my heart, and I can’t fix it. I feel totally helpless. I just want to make today totally go away.”
Joy set her wine glass on the glass table that set beside her chaise. As she set down, she quietly said, “I wish the same thing. I think I’ll sleep out her tonight. That pill’s made me a bit woozy and I’m going to lie down.”
Daniel leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss on the top of her head. “I’ll leave the door partially opened in case you need me for anything. Try and get some rest, but if you can’t sleep come on in the bed with me. I love you.”
“Joy bit her lip and said, “I love you too.” She laid back and pulled a light chenille blanket over her. While the medication had made her sleepy, it did not turn off her brain. She was wracked with guilt over the orgasm she had experienced with the rape. What type of woman comes wile she’s being brutalized? Did she have some kind of kinky fetish she had ben unaware of? This whole day seemed surreal. As Joy drifted into an uneasy sleep, her last thoughts were of loyal, trusting Daniel. Keeping this atrocious truth from him was going to be her number one priority.