As if Joy predicted the future, Jeremy called a couple of days later to let them know the trial was set to be held in two months. Joy was being very cautious in her wine drinking, so she was relying heavily on the Xanax for stress relief. She knew keeping this from Daniel would hurt their marriage, but she just didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t face all of this cold turkey.
She found herself in Dr. Mayer’s office that week telling him watered down versions of the actual versions of her life this past week. She admitted, yes, they had had sex and thee had been no bad repercussions from doing so.
“This is not the week I thought you’d be having after your admission from last week. I was really worried about you state of mind and how you were going to cope. I certainly didn’t think you would drown your sorrows in your sex life.” Dr. Mayer looked at her pointedly.
“It really took me by surprise as well. And it definitely took Daniel by surprise. But it’s a good surprise. If just one good things comes out of all this is that it is making my marriage better.” Joy said with a smile on her face.
“Joy, I’m glad you and Daniel are exploring your sexual relationship; it definitely seems to have a positive effect on you. But you need to consider that you are not being totally honest with him. Until you share all the details of the rape with him, that secret will always be hanging over your head and holding you back.” Dr. Mayer continued to look at Joy to gauge her reaction.
“That is just not going to happen. We are finally in a good place and nothing good can come from telling him that filthy detail.” Joy picked at her purse strap, agitated.
“Joy, it is not a ‘filthy detail,’ it’s a fact about your assault. And it is a fact he should hear from you. Keeping this secret and bottling up your feelings are just going to hinder your recovery. We can arrange a special meeting where you bring Daniel into one of your therapy appointments and you can share this with him and have me to back you up.” Dr. Mayer said earnestly.
“This is just not going to happen. Telling Daniel is not going to help anything.” Joy jumped up and began pacing, her arms crossed over her chest and a grim scowl on her face. “I cannot believe how insistent you are being about this. Show me just one couple who is completely honest with each other about everything in their lives. This is not a piece of information that is going to build up my marriage or enlighten Daniel into something I need. It may just tear apart the progress we’ve made, and maybe even the very foundation of our whole marriage. I had an orgasm from forced intercourse, when I had rarely had orgasms during sex with my husband. I cannot imagine what Daniel will make of that.” Joy stopped pacing and hung her head.
“You won’t know unless you give him a chance.”
“Then I guess we’ll never know because I am not telling him.” Joy grabbed her purse and made to leave.
“Come on Joy, don’t run. Let’s talk this out. I can’t help you if you run every time the topic gets a little hard. You just don’t know all that I have to offer you.” Dr. Mayer had stood as well, trying to re-engage Joy.
“I’m done talking. Send me a bill. We have come as far as I am willing to go.” Joy rushed out of the office before anymore could be said.